Aunt Edna Mae Comes Back With a Vegenance!
Well fiddledee dee!
Look at me me meeee!
I’m Scarlett O’Hara!
Or is it Vivien Leigh?
All I can tell ya’ll is that when I channel someone.
I REALLY CHANNEL SOMEONE!
Can I hear an amen?
Ha ha ha!
It’s summertime! Which is the perfect time to make deserts that have fruit in them! Especially canned fruit. And what says ‘summertime’ better than a fruit cake inspired by one of the best movies of ALL TIME! You know the one!
A BIG WEDDING!
A bride in a BATHTUB!
Blush and Bashful!
RED VELVET CAKE IN THE SHAPE OF AN ARMADILLO!!
AND DEATH FROM DIABETES!
IT’S STEEL MAGNOLIAS SILLY!
Only the best movie ever made!
I have always wanted to make Truvy’s Cuppa, Cuppa, Cuppa cake!
You just take a cuppa flour
A cuppa sugar
A cuppa fruit cocktail!
Except I used the whole can of fruit cocktail because what am I gonna do with a half can of fruit cocktail? Put it in some lime Jello with some mini-marshmallows, a dollop of mayonaise, canned shrimp and horseradish?
Maybe I’ll try that tomorrow.
So once you’ve got your fruit cocktail mixed into your flour and sugar you are going to bake it until it is brown and bubbly. I have no idea how long that will be, but since you people have nothing better to do than re-check my blog 700 times an hour, I don’t imagine that camping out in front of your ovens is going to wreck your entire day.
So here is my Cuppa Cuppa Cuppa cake, sometimes called by the more uncouth as a ‘dump cake’.
I hate it when people go all ‘toilet humor’.
There is NOTHING funny about a bad BM!
Did you hear something?
What is that horrible noise????
It sounds like a dog is being strangled inside of a washing machine!
Did I run over Charlie again?
Oh thank goodness!
It’s only Marlboro Man!
I MEAN HONEY!!!
Are you sick?
Mama is so sorry!
Mama will go get you some Seven Up and some Saltines!
And maybe some of the Dump Cake… I mean Cuppa, Cuppa Cake I just made!
It has fruit cocktail in it.
Does that sound good to you?
The kids are puking too!
I don’t know if there is enough Seven Up in all of Pawhuska to make this better!
My husband is puking on my daughter who is puking on my son!
MY FAMILY IS MAKING A PUKE FOUNTAIN!!!
A puke fountain of Aunt Edna Mae’s escalloped cabbage!
Oh my GOD IT REEKS!
If you think cooked cabbage is malodorous the first time around – you should smell it when it returns!
DAMMMIT EDNA MAE!
YOUR STUPID CHEEZ WHIZ CABBAGE IS NEVER GOING TO COME OUT OF MY SUBWAY TILES!!!
It’s my BABY!
He seems so weak and pathetic!
I don’t want to pick him UP!
What if he pukes all over my ballgown!
It’s okay baby.
Just don’t puke on me okay?
Let mama get you to the toilet and then you can puke on your daddy and your sister, but not on mama. Okay? Because mama has on her Vivien Leigh… or her Scarlett O’Hara…
Mama needs it to stay real pretty for her blog. So you just hold it in…
MY BABY JUST SHIT INSIDE OF MY MOUTH!
AND MY EYEBALLS!
AND UP MY NOSE!
I CAN TASTE IT ALL THE WAY DOWN MY ESOPHAGUS!
OH GOD IT BURNS SO BAD!
I FEEL LIKE I JUST ATE AN UNWASHED PEASANT WHOSE BOWELS WERE FULL OF ROTTED ROOT CROPS AND BLOATED SHEEP HEADS!
AUNT EDNA MAE I AM GOING TO MURDER YOU!
Burarrrrgh! Blawhscchragh! Ralllschabraghph!!!
Don’t just sit there on your ASSES!
Call a doctor!
CALL MY DADDY!!!
SOMEBODY PLEASE CALL MY DOCTOR DADDY!!!
I am puking up my baby’s cooked cabbage shit! He crapped a cooked cabbage straight into my mouth! Help me daddy! Come get me and take me away from this awful ranch and these awful cowboy people with their awful cooked cabbages!
I wanna go back to Hilton Head!
I wanna go back to Hilton Head!