Oh my gosh!
I just got back from a whirl wind trip to New York City!
NEW YORK CITY!
Can you say it like the Pace Picante Sauce commercial?
Cause that’s what I always think of whenever I say “New York City.”
NEW YORK CITY!
I just did it again!
Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha HA!!
Oh my GAWD!
I can’t stop laughing over the funniness of that!
NEW YORK CITY!
Bwah haw haw har hwar hwah hwawha ho har har hee hee haw hwah hwarh HO!
So So SO HILARIOUS!
But seriously guys!
Did I tell you about that one time I was on our Vail Vacation and I was skiing down a trail and suddenly my hips started to give weigh under the bounteous firmament that exists beneath my flowy tops? It was SO SCARY! I started to wheeze and snurfle and gag and chortle and sing opera and yodel and all while struggling to hold onto seventeen cans of sweetened condensed milk (that I always keep with me in case of an emergency) and that’s when I discovered that I couldn’t breathe! Plus I was lost in the mountains and then there was also my acl. Oh my goodness! You don’t even want to know about my acl and how funny it is because HELLO! I have a doctor daddy who knows exactly what an acl is!
But enough about my doctor daddy!
Let’s get back to my lost aloneness with hurty hips and sweetened condensed milk on the ski slopes of Vail!
So there I was guys!
And with super hurty hips!
Not to mention my ACL!!!
Have I told you about my ACL yet?
What about my doctor daddy…..?
So I was trying to ski my way back home to the comfort of our cushy condo and a gigantic steaming bowl of pork chili topped with devilled eggs, whipping cream and chocolate ganache when suddenly I started to cry!
How weird for me to confess to any other kind of emotion than a super saccharine, sunny non-stop optimism that stems from a cheery vacancy of the mind!
But there I was!
And worried that I would die on a ski slope in Vail all by myself without even a single camera around to record my final dimple flash!
It was SO frightening!
But then I turned my head slightly to the left and realized that I had never even left the condo yet!
Oh my GOSH!
What a RELIEF!
Just imagine if I had died!
Can you visualize the giant sucking hole that would have ripped open in the universe!
Who would educate my children?
AND WHO WOULD FEED THE WORLD!
I feel like I should just drop to my knees and say a prayer right now that nothing bad happened to me while I was on vacation!
Please bow your heads and pray with me….
Thank You So Much for not letting me die on the ski slopes in Vail from a broken acl, hurty hips and from being alone without a camera crew to record how cute I was even in the throes of death. I think we both know Lord, that I have long been your favorite and even though you might want me up there in heaven with you, it is probably even better for me to continue to be a famous blogger/writer/photographer/television star/cook/mama/and wife to my hubby of the heavenly haunches until I am totally old and gross and no longer relevant. Then you can beam me up Scotty! Hee hee!
Now let’s make a salad!
When I was in New York City this week
(NEW YORK CITY!!!!)
I had a salad!
And it was so yummy!
No, you don’t understand.
My salad was the yummiest salad you could possibly ever imagine!
Because it was MY salad.
Surely that clears it all up.
So there I was
In New York City
(NEW YORK CITY!)
Just like I always am!
Doing my famous blogger, photographer, writer, mother, wife, and especially COOK for all the world to see, when suddenly I was
confronted by the world’s most incredible salad.
Floating in front of me like a UFO!
And a little man standing behind the floating salad began to ask me what I would like in my salad and I found that I was suddenly struck dumb by both the beauty of the salad and the extra terrestrial encounter I was having and I could only communicate by pointing!
And so that’s what I did!
I pointed my way to the most incredible salad in the history of salads!
Why do all of these amazing things always happen to ME?
Oh my GOSH!
Here’s how I pointed out my most amazingest salad of all time!
I pointed at the olives!
I pointed at the ham!
And the JAM!!!
I pointed at the pickles!!!
I pointed at the YAM!
Give me those marshmallows buddy!
I screamed at the little man!
Then I grabbed a bottle of hot sauce!
Cuz you know I love the heat!
And some jalapenos baby
Me this salad will complete!
Since this salad was my baby
I began to lactate hard
And that is the end of this rhyme cuz mama ain’t no bard.
Besides, it’s time to top this salad with a little something I like to call…
Blue Cheese Salad Dressing!
I love Blue Cheese SO MUCH!
I can’t ever get enough of it!
Never, ever, ever, EVER!
I just want to bathe in blue cheese salad dressing!
I want to shower in it!
Oh my gosh guys!
If this is what drowning feels like, then bring it to me baby!
Mmmmm. Mmmmmm. Mmmmm.
The only thing better than eating blue cheese salad dressing, is being covered in it from head to toe!
Who wants to lick mama off?
Now, tump that big ole bowl full of creamy, dreamy yummy tum tummys onto a cutting board.
And let the chopping commence!
Don’t forget to add some more blue cheese salad dressing!
Don’t even think about holding back!
Because why would you?
The pure decadence of this salad will change your life forever!
And then go ahead and jump on in!
If your salad doesn’t stick to you, it isn’t going to taste very good.
I can’t wait to decide what to eat next!
Pie Near Woman