Fair Food!!!
It’s Fall!
And I think we all know what that means!
It’s time for the County Fair!!!
A time to celebrate the abundant harvest of local producers!!!
A time to rejoice in the bounty of the good earth and think of creative ways to preserve the fruit of the garden to use the rest of the year!
It’s a time for canning!
Drying!
Freezing!
Making jams and sauces and homemade soups!
Peeling the fruits of your labor!
Grinding your own Grain!
Especially if like me, you are a best selling cook book author! This is the season when your senses COME ALIVE! You begin to explore the wonder of the local farmers all around you! You visit their orchards and their dairys and their cute little farm stands! You gather acorn squash, pumpkins, fresh herbs, plump tomatoes, spicy peppers and loads and loads of freshly picked cucumbers! And then you bring it all home and create fresh dishes that display the culinary wonder of your particular region! Because you are a cook! A cook who loves to explore new flavors and celebrate the ingredients grown in dirt of your very own stomping grounds!
Take for instance this….
Which is a…
This is a…um…
Wait! I know this!
Just give me a second guys!!!
It’s uh…
It’s…
A…
Vegetable!!!
So strap on your industrial strength bib overalls girlfriends! Because today in honor of the County Fair, we are going to sample some of the best produce that my little corner of Oklahoma has to offer! You know what I’m talking about!!!!
Corndogs!
Fried Cheese-sticks!!!
Jalapeno Poppers!!!
You know what I think is awesome?
How I can get all the freshness of the County Fair at my small town Sonic!
I didn’t even have to GO to the County Fair to partake in the bountiful buffet of delectable deliciousness!
So why would I????
All I have to do is make it to the outskirts of Pawhuska, and push the magic button at our own Sonic Drive Inn! And that’s when I heard these magic words…
“Hello! Welcome to Sonic! May I interest you in our harvest pumpkin ice cream shake?”
“Oh my goodness! You are SO speaking my language! You betcha! I’ll take six of them! And thanks Sonic for inspiring me to be a better chef for myself, my family and the entire world!”
“Would you like some cheesy tots to go with that?”
“You know I would!”
I swear! It’s like the folks at Sonic can read my MIND!!!!
But you know what’s even better than getting corndogs at Sonic???
Making your own corndogs at HOME!
Which is so easy guys!
Seriously!
You won’t even believe it!
And I would totally show you how to do it, but mama is a little busy making love to a certain corndog right now.
Lawsie Mercie!!!!
Oh My Gawd this is SO GOOD!
Hello Lover!
You big brute!
You are so strong and yet so tender at the same time!
I love how you make me feel so utterly contented!
As if every corpuscle of my being was filled with the liquefied lard of your love!
And after I drink of your nectar, all I want to do is lie down and take a nap!
A nap that is filled with dreams.
I wander through an endless field of corn dogs! I yank them out by the roots and miraculously a fried cheesestick instantly fills the hole. No matter how much I harvest, there is always more! It’s a field of plenty! Corndogs and fried cheese popping up everywhere! I eat and I eat and I eat! I grow plump on the lard of the land! Sonic asks me to do commercials for them and they pay for the gastric bypass so that I can look my best! I then become a spokesperson for gastric bypasses! I go on the Today Show and Al Roker and I have an emotional moment talking about our former lives among the corndog fields of doom. He makes me a spinach salad. I give him a plate of fried cheese. He slaps me hard and tells me to remember the jiggle!
Remember the jiggle!
Remember the jiggle!
I wake up to find a cold, congealed corndog smashed all over my sheets.
With a face full of tears I begin to scoop it up and poke it down my pie hole! What did the corn dog do to deserve such foul treatment!
What did the corndog do!?!?!?!?!?
And that’s when he shows me his softer side.
He reveals his tender innards!
And I can’t help myself!
I take him right then and right there!
Mmmmmm! Mmmmmm! Mmmmmm!
So tasty. So good!
Let me smell you corn dog!
Let me inhale your virulent vapors.
I love the way your aroma clings to the interior of my car, inhabits my skin cells, and lingers for days on the roof of my mouth.
Let’s explore your inner mysteries corndog!
I want to know everything about you!!!
From your piggy parts to your wholesome cornmeal outer wrapping!
Nothing on earth satisfies me the way you do!
Why would you only want to partake of this food miracle at the County Fair or on occasional visits to your local Sonic Drive Inn??
Why???
WHY???!!!!???!!!
Please join with me to bring the homemade corndog back to the average American palate!
Because the wholesomeness of the County Fair should live on you and your plate all year round!
Where it will reside in your arteries until the day you die!
Sloooooowly!!!!
Piece by piece.
Finger by finger.
Toe by toe.
Foot by foot.
And leg by tender leg.
So eat up America!
And Yes!!!
You. Are. Welcome!!!!
OMG, am I first? Yay me!
I don’t have anything witty to say, but I would like to say how much I appreciate having Original Recipe Pie Near back. She’s the bestest.
Dang, secondy mcseconds. But I gotta agree–it’s great to see the original Pie Near back in fighting form!
Wow! This is about as close to first as this girl is ever gonna get! So I’m gonna count this as a win and get on w/my life and my comment…”Go Corn Dogs!!!”
p.s. I too am glad the Original Pie Near is back where she belongs. Over and out.
Ohhh Pie, such inspiration gives me the shivers
Uh…well…I’ll just leave you two alone…but just know that now I have to find a Christmas themed Corn Dog….I had a beee – utifully new showerhead wrapped for ya…it had 10 levels of pulsing and the peez-de-resistahnz…level 10 – the “butter whip” sensation ! Hmmm…maybe I can find some jumpin’ beans to attach w/my glue gun on a corn dog….I’ll be thinkin on it Pie!!
LOL, Love the “butter whip” hhah!
I keep thinking you can’t top yourself, but this may be your best post EVER!
I was laughing out loud sitting at my desk. Good work Pie Near – you are my hero.
If only Sonic could see the brilliance of this post and make a commercial with you, Pie Near. Sigh.
Beloved Pie Near,
Yowza! I feel hot, and I don’t know why. I might have to pour a “Lost-My-Cherry-To-Jesus Limeade” over my head to cool down. This cooking lesson was almost as good as when fresh local fruit was in season and you had us make that cuppa-cuppa-crappa cake with canned Del Monte fruit cups.
Almost!
No, I lie, this post is better, because who DOESN’T love a steamy, delicious, hiney-tingling, and soul-satisfying corn-dog? Hmm?
(crickets)
That’s right, everyone loves corn-dogs (and when I say everyone, I mean my five-year-old son who only eats overly-processed greasy things and refuses to eat a fresh apple unless it’s doused in caramel, or fried, or both).
Pie Near, you rock my world (and by “rock my world,” I mean “clog my arteries”).
Love you more than my heart surgeon (well, almost),
MOV
I smell kick-backs from Lipitor.
Dang it! You’ve uncovered my secret! I am such a corporate whore!
Only you can make a corn dog sound like it’s in a porno! Had me laughing till I peed!!!
Shame on you for not putting on a shield on that nasty thing before sticking it in your mouth.
HAHAHAHAAAAHHHH Laughing till I almost spilled my wine! Great belly roll laughter! Who needs a Doctor when we have you! Laughter is the best medicine!
I saw when “fake” posted what looked like a corn dog, or was it one of those gross cheese thingies? and then she says she will stop right there. so uh hmmmmmm, we all know what she was thinking!
EXCELLENT post as usual!!!
Gosh you have the perfect outfits for everything!
rotfl!!!!
Love ya Pie-Dub and yer porno – dogs too!
Oh dear Lawsie Mercy, this is REEl? I thought it was made up:
http://thepioneerwoman.com/cooking/2011/10/classic-corn-dogs-and-cheese-on-a-stick/
Please pretty please Rechelle, ya gotta put the “inspiration” link like you do sometimes at the bottom (next to the dollar sign tatoo?) for your parody Hall-of-Fameness. I honestly thought you made this post up (I do not even read Pioneer Whore any more, why would I when brilliance like yours is just a click away?).
Your post is DIVINE, but so much sweeter now that I see the original.
(Again, I ask: does Ree Drummond just hand you this stuff on an imitation silver platter OR WHAT?!? Classic.)
best,
MOV
Anything for you MOV.
YOU are the liquefied lard of my love….not good for me, but you make me happy and keep me laughing!
Perfect post for corndogs! And you are so right – when surrounded by farmland and fresh produce what’s up with the fried Sonic style food?
Oh my goodness, I am so glad I found your blog! I have thoroughly enjoyed it, as well as pioneerwomansux and marlborowoman. After enjoying your humor I looked at the inspiration blog for the first time. Wow. Y’all were not exaggerating or using as much creative license as I thought! She actually takes and posts pictures of her husband’s (weak, flat, not attractive) rear end and she seriously used the phrase “hiney tingle.” EW. I read through her Black Heels series (well, what was not disabled in order to force the curious to purchase her book), thinking I’d at least like a bit of fiction. The way she speaks and talks about her brother is abhorrent and shows her obvious disdain towards him. *And, as a medic, can I say that we really do not love when people drop off their developmentally disabled family members for us to babysit all day. We’re there for emergencies, not as an adult day care and cannot provide the specialized care they need and deserve day in and day out. That her rich little family does that is ridiculous. Why not pay for a companion to spend time with and tend to him so he gets personalized attention?*
Then it looks like she had a boyfriend the whole time when she had started dating Ladd. Have some ovaries and cut things off completely before you start something new – this is a love story? Really, it just grossed me out how she kept going on and on about them making out. Even as I tried to approach this as a work of fiction, I found I was not able to root for the “heroine” which is really what you want your reader to do when you’re writing a novel like this. She was just so selfish and thoughtless and vapid … she thinks this is making her look good?
Anyways, sorry to ramble! Love your blog, and your other blog, you truly have a talent for writing.
I’m still waiting for a good recipe for calf testicles.
Pie Near, any ideas?
Butter, white flour, crisco, sugar and lard. Mix it all together. Add some basil. Add the testicles (optional) Plunge into deep fat fryer. Enjoy!
Wow, amazing. With one exception, I have every single ingredient in stock! I’m heading to the local store to buy basil in just a few minutes, then I’m ready to cook. Pie Near, you are an inspiring role model for us women who just never know what to do with the food we have on hand.
Oh, I do have one more question: does it matter whose testicles I use?
Not particularly. My recipes are all about easy breezy throw it together without much thought. So whatever male creature is close at hand and easy to pin down is probably best.
I don’t know how you do it..but you are amazing…lol you need to write a BOOK!
The picture on the homepage for this post, alone, had me laughing! Geez, too funny!
You are so evil! Ha ha ha ha.
I’ll spare everyone the usual “I’m not a big PW fan, BUT” do-si-do. Having said that, I was sufficiently intrigued by the increasing number of bloggers who base their entire existence on the hatred of all things PW that I did a little searching, a little Googling, and this is one of the most intelligent, unbiased articles I’ve come across:
http://thebitchsessions.wordpress.com/2009/07/10/my-pioneer-woman-top-10-useless-opinions-list/
I cannot begin to comprehend what drives bloggers like Rechelle, Marlboro Woman and the Pioneer Woman Sux, but I will say this: they are far, FAR more motivated than I. There are a number of things that I am passionate about: preventing animal abuse, the Green Bay Packers, community-supported agriculture (CSA), shitty drivers, vodka, etc., etc. I’m sure you don’t care, and I sure don’t want to spend a lot of time expounding on it.
My point is, no matter how strongly I feel about something, I cannot begin to imagine devoting the time, money and energy to it that the forementioned bloggers do. Hats OFF, ladies! By God (sorry, Rechelle), there might be all kinds of atrocities going on in the world, but I for one will sleep soundly knowing that the three of you are on the job. Y’all will keep us safe from the creeping menace of basset hounds, ass-filled chaps, shirts with flowy sleeves, and excessive butter use. God bless you every one.
Me no get your point Lisa. The Drummonds are regular animal abusers. Ree loves to run over her dogs and then write “humorous” posts about it and the cruel treatment of their horses has been written about many times in everything from tying a horse to a barbed wire fence to yanking the bit up into their mouths with their poor riding skills and not brushing their horses down after a hard day’s work. They participate in wild mustang abuse by gleefully making millions off a govt. program that does not even need to exist. They brand baby cows in a time when there are many alternatives. These people are unthinking neanderthals. Next question?
So much time you’re loosing here Lisa, hope you can afford it.
“who base their entire existence on the hatred of all things PW”
..you really believe that???
Veronique (sorry – I do not care to spend the time to put the little thingy over your “e”): Yes, I DO believe that. Can you imagine the time and money that Rechelle spends setting up these little tableaux? Honestly, can you?
And honey, it’s “losing”, not “loosing.” But if you’re that concerned, I normally only check out Pie-Near, PW Sux and Marlboro Woman late at night, after a few vodka tonics. I keep hoping that will help make them funny.
And true to my word…only read/check when I’ve been drinking. Three sheets to the wind, and nary a word from Var-o-neek! I WIN!
Your favorite posts – the ones with the lasso motif. Well, I thought they were Christmas ornaments people could order.
Why would you spend so much time taking pictures and writing this idiocy? Don’t you have better things to do with your time?
Ex-act-u-ly! You’d think somebody with three boys involved in sports would have better things to do, right?
(And hey….all you grammar Nazis?? The ex-act-u-ly was just for YOU! You are welcome!)