Cherry Limeades!
Whoopsie!
Looks like ya’ll caught me making some Cherry Limeade in my slinky skivvies!
I am SO embarrased!
Geez! You all know how self conscious I am about my body.
If I’ve told you once, I’ve told you at least seven hundred times before!
I AM SO SELF CONSCIOUS OF MY BODY!!!
I can’t even stand to look at myself in a full length mirror!
And that is why you will never hear me discussing my body, my burps, my affair with a certain hospital shower nozzle or what pants I am wearing on what day or if I am not wearing pants at all, or where I put my rust colored Sassoon panties and whether or not I have Spanx on at this very moment!
But I suppose none of that really explains why I am making you this fruity tincture of fizzy Americana in my sexy undies does it?
I don’t know guys!
Chalk it up to over exposure!
I mean think about it! I’ve written three best sellers! I’ve been all over the morning talk show circuit! I’ve been featured in almost every magazine known to man and even a few kind of boring and obscure literary journals! (I’m looking at you New Yorker Magazine!) What I am trying to say is – homegirl may have ridden her audience a bit too hard and put them away wet! So to re-invigorate everybody, I thought I would take my clothes off! I know. I know. It’s not exactly befitting of my sweet little “ranch wife next door” image, but I am certain it will generate clicks. And girlfriends… that’s what blogging is all about.
Now let’s make some Cherry Limeades!
Pour a can of lemon lime soda into a large glass.
Next add a cup of sugar!
As you can see, I am using my “Jesus Loves You” measuring cups today.
Aren’t they cute!
Thanks “Fundie Mom” for sending them to me! I love to be able to send a subtle, yet obviously Christian message out to my “like minded” readers. It warms the cockles of their hearts and makes them feel like we are secret spirit sisters! Oh! And sorry about that Fatal Attraction post I did the other day guys! I know I probably “offended thine eyes” when I explained some of the extra marital sex scenes in that film, but dang it guys! I can’t help it! I love movies! I love them so much! Especially cheatin’ ones! And trust me! My opinion matters! You have no idea how much the old lady set loves to read about those dated films!
Besides! Being a famous blogger is a HUGE juggling act! You have to keep so many different kinds of people happy! The fundies, the homeschool militia, the young paranoid moms, the old paranoid moms, the paranoid grandmas, the young women who are desperate to get married and start shooting babies out of their tender mercies, the fat people who want to feel justified in their bad eating habits, the food pornos, and most of all – my advertisers who want to see quality product placement of their brands all the heck over my blog! Geez Louise! It’s enough to put even the strongest of women into a deep, tunnel of psychosis in which I begin cooking hotdogs in lard and post thousands of photographs of my dog’s right hind leg.
Wait!
Nevermind!
Just add a cup of sugar to that can of soda and we are ready for our next step.
The cherries!
Oh My Goodness do these cherries ever bring back the memories for me!
It seems like only yesterday I was feeding my own sweet cherry to a wild stallion in a Bartlseville bar!
Sigh!
Those were such good times.
What was I talking about?
Oh yes!
My delicious homemade Cherry Limeade!
When you live on an isolated cattle ranch like I do, you can’t just run to town and get a Coke anytime you feel like it. Trust me! That’s impossible! And that is why I learned how to make Cherry Limeade for my kids at home! Think about it! What if my children grew up only being able to drink Cherry Limeade when they went to town? Or what if they only got to drink them when they were visiting their grandparents in Bartlesville? What kind of people would they turn out to be? I don’t even want to think about it!
So throw in a few maraschino cherries!
Oh what the HECK!
If a few cherries are good, a whole jar is EVEN BETTER!
Besides, my baby really loves Maraschino cherries!
And mama sure do love to love him back!
Next plop one whole lime into this concoction of sweet mama love!
Be careful not to over-plop!
It’s been known to cause concussions!
Time to call those babies of mine into the house for a special treat!
PAIGEY!!!!
BRYCEY!!!!
TODDY!!!!
ALEX….EY!!!!!
C’mon in KIDS!!!
MAMA MADE YOU A GIFT OF LOVE!!!!
Drink up my babies!!!
There’s plenty for everyone!
No need to shove!
I have to watch them really closely while they are drinking my Cherry Limeade. There is so much sugar in this drink they can literally fall asleep in mid gulp and accidentally drown!
Slow down guys!
Mama can always make some more!
Whoops!
Looks like Toddy over did it again!
Don’t worry!
I’ll get him out!
In the meantime, I hope I’ve inspired you to show your babies how much you love them too!
Just remember!
They’re only little once!
Well, I’d shout out first, but its not my thing.
My goodness, how did you get that large bruise on you thigh PieNear??
That ain’t no bruise honey! It’s my tatoo. http://www.pienearwoman.com/2011/04/pie-near-woman-gets-branded/
Rechelly
Your brutal againstness is brilliant!
Ooooooh are you going to have your own line of Jesus-ware? That would be just like the coolest thing EVER!
dollar sign tatoo! how appropriate.
i have noticed the “large forehead” gene is prominant in her DNA.notice the profile photo of her older son. tis a bit scary..sure takes after his mom. also, a distinct change has evolved in her blog. SO impersonal. more so than before and the posts are fewer. this was bound to happen.
Love the $ Tat, PieNear. Suh-weet!
I want a monetizing tattoo….too. Tutu. HEY, I was a BALLERINA!!
Cherry Limeade Wine Cooler is the shizzle.
Wait…what? I hate it when all that sugar kicks in at once, I get distracted….oh look, puppies!
I guess it’s a good thing Pie Near has money, so she can pay those dentists’ bills. That much sugar makes me cringe.
I’m too am diggin the Jesus-paraphernalia and the $ tattoo on your ass Pie Near. I totally *need* to get one of those.
Beloved Pie Near,
I am in Cherry Awe over your Jesus-loving Limeade. I even thought of a super-catchy name for it (this is only a suggestion, maybe you had already thought of it and just forgot to write it down with you super hecticness of life schedule): Jesus-Cherry-Limeade. I know! Brilliant, and totally not derivative, nor redundant, nor repetitive, nor derivareduntative!
I must say, my hat is off to you, and possibly my negligee too. You rock, Pie Near, from your dollar tattoo (hint: get your next tramp stamp to be the euro sign, then you can expand into the culture-deprived European market, what do they know about culture what with their stupid Eiffel Tower and Roman ruins and such), to your rockin’ recipes (HOW do you do it? HOW?!? I am not sure I even possess all those complicated thingy-ma-whatzits in my kitchen to duplicate recipes of such splendorifidness), to your Shakespearean masterpieces of children’s stories, to your quality product placement (I’ll bet my last euro that C & H Pure Cane Sugar is a MAJOR sponsor, am I right?), to your moral righteousness, to your profound knowledge of all things Molly Ringwald and John Cusack.
WOW!
I mean, WOW!
And that charming Waltcharlie dog! I am in awe of his right hind leg, or his left! Either! I never tire of it!
And you seem a tad self-conscious about your body and your violent nakedness, but you should not be a tad self-conscious. No! You should be really really REALLY self-conscious because you could maybe stand to take a Pilates class or five, and lose a few pounds. Just sayin’! And I am sayin’ it out of love! Love and stalker-ish tendencies! But not anything like Glenn Close! (Not even Close!)
Last thing: where can I get the same measuring cups that you have? I looked at Neiman Marcus (I am not a budget reader—well, I have a budget, but it is like really really big) and they did not have them. I also went to the high-end kitchen store and they laughed in my face when I mentioned Jesus. They pray to a higher God, and that God is: All-Clad.
Best,
MOV
Um, PNW — not to be indelicate, but is that a tampon string in the first photo? Are you going all Amy Winehouse on us here?
( http://www.inboxity.com/view.asp?id=461&title=Amy-Winehouse%92s-Tampon-is-hanging-out ) x
LOL, Hiss! I think it’s a doll stand!
OMG!!! I feel so violated by that picture… and also inspired! And please remind me to kick my photo assistant’s ass for not editing my tampon out of that picture! Damn her! There will be no personalized bible verse measuring spoons in her Christmas sack!
Pie Near, you look like a total skank! Does your 1/4 cup measure say “Give Satan an inch and he’ll be your ruler?” Mine does! I got the set at Denver Intl! Love it!
LOL way too funny again. It’s funny I never noticed your swell tattoo, just sayin. But OH MY that measuring cup set is to dye red for! Now I’m lactating again. I can’t wait until you have a give-away for them, because I just know you will, that’s just the way you roll girlfriend!
Mmmmmn, I can’t wait to try this drink and all the goodness of all that sugar and the red food coloring. Mmmmmmm!
Total brilliance once again! You are my hero Pie-dub. Love the boots with the totally sexy teddy!
I have met your arch-nemesis Pie Near and her name is Tokidoki Barbie! http://www.barbiecollector.com/shop/doll/tokidoki-barbie-doll-t7939.
Her tattoos are WAY better than mine.
I was so hoping that Toddy’s big head would wind up in the jesus aide. Brills….
Ya know, I was thinking of giving my muscle man a sweet mama love dance for his birfday, but I now must change this to a slushie cherry limie instead. You are my inspiration…