Caption This!
I am typing my chubby fingers to death today to try and finish up the latest installment of Black Pumps to Rotting Stumps, the story of my whirlwind ranch romance that begins when I tamed my silver stallion in a smoky bar in Bartlesville and ends with the removal of both my feet from sugar diabetes! Until then, might I submit a photo for you to caption? It’s my own true love, MM gesticulating wildly! Best caption wins a laminated copy of their quote integrated with MM’s photo! You may enter more than once, but if you get irritating, I will skewer you alive on my Food Network Christmas Special!
Just kidding! That kind of violence doesn’t really appeal to my demographic.
Deadline for entries is Wednesday October 19 at midnight CST.
Cheers!
Pie Near
First!!!
Yee Haw!
OK, my caption is:
“We earn THIS much monies from cows and horses…and stuff.”
or
“Todd…jump in the truck, run to town, fetch Mama this much butter.”
“When I first met Ree, her ass was only THIS big.”
(I would prefer my laminated copy of my winning entry to be an 8 x 10 size, and oriented as “landscape” not portrait. Thank you.)
best,
MOV
You beat me to it.
“But Paco’s is this big!”
okay P.S. Pie Near, I have another writing idea for you (although it is like Pioneer Whore just hands you satire-worthy stuff on a silver platter these days):
http://thepioneerwoman.com/blog/2011/10/things-ive-never-done/
Seriously? the woman has never been to Europe? what exactly does she do with all that money (oh, wait– don’t answer that. She buys plastic containers by the bushel from Sam’s Club or flowy tops from Anthropologie.com). And no martinis? Can she even call herself a mom?
best,
MOV
WE DON’T WANT HER OVER HERE!
I repeat
WE DON’T WANT HER OVER HERE!
Véronique, I thought that was your caption entry, which, I must admit is totally better than mine. Okay, you win.
but then I realized you meant you don’t want Pioneer Whore in your Europe or your beloved Germany specifically–not that I can blame you. Truly, I don’t think you have anything to worry about, she did not exactly sound apologetic or sad that she had not been there! and she classified Boston (which is an awesome city) as another place she had not been AS IF BOSTON AND ALL OF EUROPE ARE THE SAME SIZE.
ha
best,
MOV
Dear MOV,
I always believed Ree thought Bostonians speak a foreign language, which explains why she has never set foot in the Northeast quadrant of the USA.
If she comes here I could take her on the “Departed” tour but I might have to shove her off the building like they did to Martin Sheen.
Hell no don’t let her come to Europe! There isn’t enough butter on the whole continent and her arse is too wide to fit on the plane!
These Drummonds don’t have the class to go to Europe. I’m tellin’ ya, they are prairie white trash.
“I swear fellers, after eatin’ a big helpin’ of my mama’s escalloped cabbage casserole, I took a shit thiiiiiiiiiiiis BIG!!!
LMAO!!! WINNER!!! (In my opinion)
I vote for Theresa!!
I’m soooo gay!
“Your mama’s ballet shoes was this big, kids, almost as long as her orange nose.”
“You’re doing good, honey….just back up the Suburban about THIS MUCH MORE and you can squash both of those dogs at the same time!”
You got my vote Hellen Wheels. (not. that. this. is. a. democracy)
Hey! Occupy Pawhuska! LOL
Theresa’s has my vote.
“Ree’s new camera lens is this big,
She spent all her FN money on it.”
I had a beef tenderloin this big that I boiled in butter!
No, Mama, not another 1980s movie. Back, Mama, BACK I say!
or
Mama laminated me and I’m stuck in this position.
I vote for Theresa.
“I give up. If that’s what you want, you can have Paco prune your inbox from now on.”
She had THIS MUCH DIRT
arg!
s/b “She had THIS MUCH DIRT in her vagina!”
Oh, my. Just when I thought the ol’ dirt in her vagina meme was dead!
Do you think it got dirty because she threw her Sassoon ™ panties in a coffin?
” Here’s a god one, guys! Your momma’s so fat when she fell over, she rocked herself to sleep tryin to get back up again! Ha! Ha! Ha! Wait. My Mama does that. Anybody have a beer? I need to get my googles on before I head home.”
oops- good
Okay, okay, I surrender! Just for the love of all things holy, don’t make me prune your inbox again!
Holy crap Mama! Is this what ischemia feels like?
“Compared to Tia Juana’s tighter, younger hoo-haw, Mama’s feels like THIS to me!”
or was that too crude?
Honey! You gotta long way to go before you out-crude Pie Near! So you may as well just give up now!
“I swear to all that is good and holy if your butt gets any bigger than this Ree, I’m leaving you for Paco…and by leaving I mean I’m kicking you out”.
Ree’s ass is this big…no really it IS!!!