The Marlboro Man Sandwich – A Three Way!
As I have explained many times before, life on a fourth generation Oklahoma cattle ranch is a never ending succession of hilarious foibles. Take for instance me! Yes! Please take me! Take me far, far, far away from this stinking porta potty of a manure infested armpit that is my life on this God forsaken hell hole. Oh my God! Did I just type that out loud? Forgive me readers! Sometimes the intense stress of being me seeps out of my sweat holes and into my pie hole and out of my finger holes and erupts in all sorts of insanely mysterious ways.
What I MEANT to say was – LOOK EVERYONE! I am wearing my mint green chemise again! And as usual, it has nothing to do with this post! Except that actually it does! Because I am making a special lunch for Marlboro Man and I aim to take it downwind to the upper northern eastern western forty and serve it to him a la ME in a mint green chemise! Mmmmmmm. Doesn’t that sound delicious! Marlboro Man for lunch and ME for dessert! Yummy!
So gather around cooking retards! Prepare to be slain right through the sweaty pie hole with my sandwich cleverness!
First off you want to grab yourself a hunk of lean tenderloin…
Or rump roast.
Or flank steak.
Whatever makes your hiney tingle!
Even though I work and live on a fourth generation cattle ranch, I still buy all my meat at the Wal-Marts. I have no idea why I do this.
Slice up an onion. If you don’t know how to slice up an onion, I have prepared an excellent tutorial here. It’s basic. It’s simple. It’s ethereal. It’s for people with very minimal brain function.
This is how Marlboro Man likes his sandwich. Simple and unadorned.
In that way, he is much like a child.
Which explains why I often lactate when I think of him.
But for my sandwich, I am going to add a little south of the border spice.
I love the heat!
Bring it to me baby!
How did I get so clever!
But this is only the beginning!
There are so many ways to spice up a Marlboro Man Sandwich!
How about a hunk of cheese!
Cheese is my life.
I like to throw in all sorts of cheeses!
And nothing shall thwart me!
Why not insert a pickle!
How do I THINK of these things!
They are so hard to swallow!
So for lubrication, you might want to add some butter at this point.
It will help everything stick together and slide down so much easier!
If you’re into that sort of thing!
Is any sandwich complete without bacon?
Is anything in the world complete without bacon?
Bacon is my life.
Half and half!
I love cilantro!
It’s the right thing to do.
And then because it’s Wednesday….
Add a sprig of dill on top!
And then do the hokey pokey and turn yourself around!
I can’t wait to see the look on Marlboro Man’s face when I show up on the range with this for lunch!
He is going to be SO SURPRISED!