Smilin’ Aunt Carol Sue’s Milky Way Cake!
Sometimes the internet can chase you down like a pack of rabid hyenas and force you to give people credit completely against your will!
I know.
It’s horrible!
But when that happens, the best thing to do is to pretend like you have a smilin’ Aunt Carol Sue who gave you a recipe binder on your wedding day and it is so shiny clean and without a single juicy splotch on it that it looks like you ran out to the Pawhuska Dollar Store yesterday and bought it just to photograph for this blog post!
Excuse me for a minute while I suffer a teensy weensy heart attack…
Ow!
Ouch, OW OWWWY! OW OW!!!!!
Gaw! The pain! The physical, psychic, PAIN!
It’s so incredibly intense!
I had NO IDEA that giving other people credit for what they do could be so PAINFUL!
But I HAVE to do it!
I don’t have a choice!
Even if it kills me!
Because this bitch here.
And this other bitch here.
Are refusing to let me play pretend shitty recipe maker-upper any more!
DAMN THEM!
The point is that LOOKY INTERNET!
I am giving someone else the cred.!
Now, let’s make this shitty cake together!
MARGARINE!
I know!
All I can say is…
When one door closes another door opens.
Except let’s not call it a ‘door’…
Let’s call it a ‘oleo’.
(Hilarious spastic vocabulary fixation brain stutter to follow…)
Oleo, oleo, oleo, oleo, oleo, oleo, oleo, oleo
Oh!
LEE
OH!
OLEO!
OLEO OH OH OH OH
OHHHHH
LEEEEEE
OHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH
Oleo, oleo, oleo, oleo, oleo, oleo, oleo,
OLEO, oleo, OLEO, oleo, oleo, OLEO!
Oleo, oleo, oleo, OLEO, oleo, oleo, oleo, oleo, oleo,
OLEO, oleo, oleo, oleo,
OLEO, OLEO, OLEO, OLEO!
Next!
You want to grind up a donkey cart full of Milky Way Candy Bars!
Does anyone else experience wet nipple syndrome at the mere mention of the words Milky Way?
Oh my gosh!
So lactating right now!
Add margarine – I MEAN OLEO – by the fist fulls.
And yes…
That’s right.
I said oleo!
Oleo, oleo, oleo, oleo, oleo, oleo, oleo, oleo,
OLEO, OLEO, OLEO, OLEO, OLEO, OLEO, OLEO!
OLEO OLEO OLEO OLEO OLEO OLEO OLEO
OH
LEE
OH
OLEO
OHHHHHH LEEEEEEEE OHHHHHHHH
Mixer shot!
Yummy!
In Oklahoma we eat our Oleo straight out of the bowl!
Shit!
Did I just say OLEO AGAIN!
DAMMIT!
OLEO
OLEO
OLEO
OLEO
OH
LEE
OH
OHHHHHHHHH
LEEEEEEEEE
OHHHHHHH
OLEO
OLEO, OLEO, OLEO, OLEO, OLEO, OLEO, OLEO,
Is this still funny for you guys?
OLEO, OLEO, OLEO, OLEO,
OHHHHHHHHHH
LEEEEEEEEEE
OHHHHHHHH
OLEO!
Nom, nom, nom, nom, NOM!
Oh holy shit this is delicious!
But there is one thing missing…
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
A little whipped cream!
PLAIN WHIPPED CREAM PEOPLE!
FOR GAWD’S SAKE!
THERE’S NO NEED TO MAKE THIS CAKE A CRIME AGAINST HUMANITY!
Serve it piping hot to the first cowboy that wanders into the kitchen!
Unless that particular cowboy is so broken up about the recent departure of a certain illegal Native, that he can only hug you and promise to be a better husband and father at least to the two of your two kids with his exact same head and…
Oh what the hell!
To all the kids!!!!
A pool of cream will dissolve at your feet, curdled by the tears of your beloved, but that’s okay…
You can always re-apply it after he leaves…
There are plenty more hungry cowboys to feed in these here parts.
Intent on a sample of your Milky Way!
So try my Aunt Carol Sue’s Milky Way Cake Today!
It’s Man Pleasin’
Guaranteed!
I just can’t guarantee it will be your own man!
Amen.
SOOOOOOOO funny!!! at work and laughed out loud – i mean really LOUD – at each subsequent photo!!!
You freakin’ crack me up!
So wrong….but ohhhhhh so right.
Did you just say ball sack?
NUTSACK. Excuse me.
This one gave me the vapors!
This is the best one yet. I faint.
It is so good to see that Pie Near Woman is finally in the arms of her real true love, Pesky Tim. I think that most of us ex-pats or would it be ex-pios, ex-pnws? Anyway. I think that most of us would agree that Ree truly loves Tim and more sort of admires, Ladd.
OMG! The people in my office are wondering what is wrong with me…..looking at this post and laughing until I cry!! Pie Near’s face licking the butter/milky way goo off the beaters and saying “nom nom nom” just kills me!!! Holy shit indeed!
oleo bukkake FTW.
Oh my! I had to google bukkake to see what that was! No, no, no, no, NO! Totally inappropriate! I only do one man at a time sister! AND whatever happened during my pot smoking days DOES NOT COUNT!
Oh, poor Pie Near. Shoulda put your safe search on, girl.
HAHAHAHAHAHAH, favorite Pie Near Woman yet. The shot of her with the OLEEEOOOOOOOOHHHHHH all over her face was so bukkake-esque.
Ohhh myy GOD!
loooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooool *dies*
I looked at PW’s original post of the Milky Way Cake and read the horseshit about her Aunt giving her that book, and my first thought was……..”Bullshit, that recipe book shines like it’s brand new”. Then when I saw you noticed the same thing, I just chuckled to myself………..so many people are on to her shit.
I’m glad you can get away with it.
If I say stuff, I get a new asshole ripped. But I am glad that you can say it and have a following. It’s great to see someone carry it off so well
..Stella..
OMG!!!
You fucked up her hair again.
I love it.
Does she have two heads?
Waving hello to Stella.
Miss you at PWS.
I have this visual in my head of Rechelle washing Pie Near Woman’s hair to get the butter out…also all the little outfits being carefully washed and dried. Sorry…this amuses me for some reason…don’t know why.
Feel free to fantasize about my bathing rituals. I prefer to be rinsed with the sink sprayer in warm tingly water and laid upon the dish towell until I am dried – unless it is an emergency whip cream rinsing (because dang that stuff slides off fast!) and then I am hastily rinsed over and over and over and over again until the whipped cream looks good enough to eat! But if she’s in a real hurry – sometimes she just licks me off. You never know when the kids will get home and this photo shoot had to be way over when they walked in the door.
Hi “Wine”!
I have to admit, I love it here more!!! I almost pee my pants when I read what Rechelle has done next.
Someone…………..get this woman an agent!!!!
..Stella..
If the Drummonds can get out of paying speeding tickets for driving 90+ mph with a young child in the car, by the same logic Ree thinks she should skate on plagiarism. She believes, wrongly so, no one will ever notice she lifted Martha Stewart’s recipes. Given the collective idiocy of her fanbase, she almost pulled it off.
Ree’s the Pete Rose of the blogging world.
One more thing, that corduroy dress was the best Rechelle! Next year when they have those blog awards, we need to nominate Pie Near Woman!
I abso-fucking-lutely agree…..Pie Near Woman needs to be nominated!
I could hardly finish reading this I was laughing so hard. I had no idea whipped cream slips off so quickly! LOL
Wow this one was almost not safe for work. I was glad the whipped cream stayed in place. Hilarious!
I’m glad I wasn’t drinking anything when I read that, as this is hilarious!
Sheer Genius. And I really like her checked shirt.
Pie Near, I just love you so much. You are great for *my* heart health, b/c I can’t stop laughing out loud here alone my office. Everyone is wondering what is so funny.
I can’t help thinking that the Pie Near Woman and gang dolls are like the Toy Story dolls – they come to life when no one is around. PNW’s face says it all “oh no, what weird stunt is she going to put me through today??”
OMG, yes. And they REALLY hate it when she switches their heads!
Ya know that song from the Wizard of oz moviewhen the wicked witch soldiers are marching into the castle??
O-LE-O OOOOOHHH-LEEEE—-OOOOOHHHH
O-LE-O OOOOOHHH-LEEEE—-OOOOOHHHH
That’s it isn’t it? That’s what PN was singing!
(ok now I can’t get it out of my head)
Crying. I’ve literally got tears in my eyes. This is so fricking funny! Every damn time I read it I laugh so hard I cry. You deserve an award for sure.
The oleo stanzas (or whatever in the hell you call them) gave me giggle fits. I’m laying in bed reading from my laptop and my family came in to see what was the matter with me so I yodeled “oleo”!
I DIE!
hahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahaha
Bottle of Dr. Pepper = $1.25
Pack of Post-It Notes = $1.50
Keyboard = $29.95
Spewing Dr. Pepper over new Post-It notes and keyboard while laughing your butt off over this post?
PRICELESS.
In the immortal words of Bill & Ted…”we’re not worthy.”
When Saturday Night Live does the skit to spoof PNW’s food show, I hope they call you to do the script.
I’m with Hallie,
you should submit one of these blogs to them. It’s priceless and you know that once she gets her show they’re going to be all over her like butter on bread, the voice, the hair, the dogs, the fat – it’s an SNL skit dream come true.
Whipped Cream and Pesky Tim = long time sexual frustration. Oh Pie Near! You really live out your own fantasies! You go girl! It looks like you both were inhaling the nitrous oxide from the can! You dirty, dirty girl and boy! How many cans did you go through?
Mixer shot!!! Hahaha seriously, it’s so over the top I love it. I hope pie near can make some bacon wrapped sliders soon, I’m hungry dammit!
I agree Jenny….just think what kind of “hiney-tingling” adventures she and Pesky Tim could get up to with all that bacon fat to slide around in!
LMAO.
I had to walk away from this post for a couple of days. I first read it when it was very quiet in the office, and I was making disturbing squeaking sounds, trying to hold in my laughter. And then my own squeaking sounds started cracking me up. And then I’d look at the oleo shots and all hope was lost. Today, I finally got to read the copy. So freakin’ hilarious.
On a separate note … anyone notice that in the most recent picture of the youngest kid, his hair is growing in brown? Like, um, a certain pesky in-law? Maybe that’s why he’s her favewite.
Anybody ever wonder what ever happened to Missy? or Hyacinth? or even Betsy? What’s up with Ladd and the camera. My cat Harper is more interesting and he weighs almost 28 pounds so you can just guess how much movement he makes in 24 hours.
LOL~ HAHA I never laughed so hard, well at least for this week!
Especially the OLEO part !!!!
HILARIOUS!!!
Even funny without the pictures, they are not showing up.
WAAAAAAY TOOO funny! I’m still laughing !
Hmmmm. They are showing up for me. I am not sure what the problem is.
LMFAO!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Okay, I had to go find Pioneer Whore’s Milky Way cake post so I could fully appreciate the subtle nuances of your post.
Oh. My. Gawd. Hee-lar–i-ous!
You are absoulutely right about Carol Sue’s recipe book. Anything that has been in my kitchen longer than 2 seconds is drenched in splotches of butter and tomato sauce. How can PW keep that notebook (that was given to her “a very very long time ago”) in such pristine condition?!?
Are her minions just blind? stupid? a little of both?
And please, Rechelle, tell us if you have an agent! We wanna know that others have discovered your excessive talent and that you are being paid accordingly! (Book plans? World tour?)
You rock.
best,
MOV
I was here last week and couldn’t see the pictures and thought I would come back to see if I could see them now. What a difference with the pictures ! Oh My Lord, I don’t think I have ever laughed so hard and really out loud, I had tears running down face I was laughing so hard my stomach hurt ! Seriously it just kept getting funnier and funnier.
You know they say laughter is the best medicine and I am on two different antibiotics right now and feeling like crap until I came to your site and read this, I think it cured me ! There is NOTHING better than laughter !
You are pure genius !
The Barbies are way tooo funny!
If Ree had any sense at all she would link your site and the others to hers….only thing worse than the lie is the coverup.
That said, I absolutely snorted reading this post; just found you and PWS and Marlboro Woman……definately bookmark worthy…..