My Mint Green Chemise
It was a dark and stormy night…
And I had just slipped into my mint green chemise, which has nothing at all to do with this story.
After spending several minutes admiring myself in the fast fading twilight – the way the delicate silky mint fabric so violently set off the creaminess of my skin – I was getting ready to admire myself even more from the back when suddenly a crashing sound violently plopped through the house!
CRAAAACK!
PLOP!
PLOP!
CRAAAAAAACK!!
Thinking that maybe one of my dogs were hemorrhaging a violent foamy diarrhea, I rushed out to the porch!
And that is when God pummeled me straight in the face with a fist full of hail stones!
And then it began to pour buckets!
Or maybe more like watering cans!
My mint green chemise (which still has nothing to do with this story) was soon drenched through and through!
Like a sad little doggie, I stumbled further out onto the porch.
Lost, confused, afraid, and very alone, I cried for help.
“Help me! Somebody! Please! Help me!” I shivered violently and my teeth began to chatter.
Dejected, demoralized and near death, I cast my eyes downward in the hopes of appearing even more pathetic and fragile to any approaching onlookers!
When he appeared!
My knight in shining boxers!
“Honey!” I whimpered, “I’m over here! Help me! Help me!”
The rain continued to pour down on my marble like fragility.
Turning my head upwards as if in a plea to the heavens to make it stop, I almost drowned!
Surely he will note my distress now I thought, as I hacked and coughed up nearly a gallon of water.
But my steed only stood there.
Was he too stunned by my beauty?
Was he fixated on the whiteness of my creamy natural red head skin set off so perfectly by the moonlight and my mint green chemise?
Could he not move for the paralytic powers of my stunning good looks?
“It’s okay.” I whimpered to him. “I know I am almost scarily gorgeous in this damp nightie that has nothing to do with this story, but if you could just come on over here and scoop me up in your arms and carry me tenderly back to our marriage bed, I will be able to put this post in the can and then I can move on to making cow tripe pudding covered in dill sprigs in the morning!”
But my trusty stallion only turned around wearily and went back to bed muttering something like… “Why don’t you just step back inside the house yourself, you nut for brains.”
Sensing that perhaps this once I had overshot my wad, I quickly assessed the damages.
1. I have an unending need for attention.
2. Sometimes I manage to wear out even the most virile of men.
3. This mint green chemise cannot possibly be worth the $500.00 I paid for it.
And so I took it off.
I took it all off.
And the wind gathered my mint green chemise into it’s violent arms and flung it across the darkened prairie while I rode my stallion violently across a craggy plain, up a steep embankment, over a rocky precipice and headlong into a surging sea.
And it was good.
Buenos Noches Mis Amigas!
LOVE!!! You are so witty and creative. Love this parody entertainment!!!
PERFECT! LOL Holy shit that was perfect. I ask myself all the time, “Is she REALLY that stupid?” so this was awesome.
We have entered Nip Slip territory!
I hope PNW decides to do a give away with of the STUNNING Mint Green Chemise.
“Size Large. Not from Talbots. Dirty virile manhands never came near it.”
Ha! Wuthering Heights in Pawhuska, Oklahoma. You’ve made Emily Bronte proud. Wait, I don’t recall her characters being so narcissistic.
Good job Rechelle!
Another winner Rechelle! I actually dreamed that you did a post on the mint-green chemise the night that PW did that post….was going to e-mail you but never got around to it. Keep ‘em coming……I love this blog more than my luggage!
Ha ha you fucked her hair up!
Now she is going to have to drive to the big city and get it fixed.
LOL maybe she will show up with dark brown hair next time.
The only thing that makes me love this post more than my luggage is the thought of gREEd reading it while wearing her money green chemise.
This was awesome!! Great photography – you could enter some of those shots in a bokeh contest!
Love MM’s earring and necklace, too. LOL
LMAO. YOU are “the hand of God”. OMG! That is killing me. Snort. Snicker. Guffaw.
You have outdone yourself….again. Spot on!
MINT GREEN PERFECTION! LMAO!
OH MY GOODNESS.. that is an awesome idea.. enter one of your PNW photos in her photo contests.. hilarious!
That would be funny. I may have to do it in the next contest.
I love you
You point a camera at Pie Near and she does this…
Then she does this.
Then I crack up.
Then I stop laughing.
Then I tell you to stop cutting up. I have dinner on the stove, so stop messing around.
Then she does this.
Then I crack up.
Then we all crack up.
Then I tell you I love the jammies.
Then you say “Jammies?” and look at me like this.
Then I crack up.
Then she does this.
Then I melt, and I remember what Betty, my second mother, told me when I bought my first Ken doll at Walmart and was cradling him and his preciousness in my arms after what was the most wonderful, terrible, perfect birth experience I’d had. The one without the drugs. The one where I let out a primal scream, which made Marlboro Man’s jaw muscle tense up, which my best friend Hyacinth captured with her camera.“Your Barbies are yours forever,” Betty said. “But…but you’ll cherish that boy.”
How right Betty was.
I do. I cherish him and you, Rechelle.
Him and his sweaty plastic head and your Pie Near Theater of the Absurd.
TruLuv4Eva!
Poppy! Get some dang dolls and join me on this crazy blog. You got her down girl! It’s like… like… you are FREAKING CHANNELING HER!
Hahahaha! All I did was copy and paste her shitcrap confessions and change it to suit my needs. When I saw the text w/o the pictures, my tea backed up through my nose. You can’t make this crap up. What the hell is she smoking?
good one poppy, I’ll send you my collection of barbies, the girls hated them anyway and you can join Rechelle.
It’s actually “Mis Amigas”, since it’s plural. Just thought I’d let you know!
Oh… well… I guess my assistant screwed that up. I will make sure she is properly shackled in the basement.
HAHAHAHA. You crack me up!
Was not sure what this was a parody of (the specific green chemise post), so I had to go on Pioneer Whore’s site to look it up. Now I get it!
Funny! Love all the special effects you do with the rain. Where is the dog swaddled in the baby blanket (or was that one of her actual babies?).
You truly have a gift. Can you please move to New York and get a job as a writer for Saturday Night Live. I must not be the only to have suggested that.
Best,
MOV
So much polyester, plastic, and pouring rain. LOVE IT ! The characters take on such hilarious personalities.
Now all you need is charlie/walter/suzie/some dog being pelted and dented by little ice chips.